Squidward's Evil Plan
by nosleepfrappuccinogirl97
Summary: It all began with a movie playing on HBO and a prank Squidward played. All he wanted was to scare Spongebob, he had no idea it would lead to this...
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: Hi everyone! This is a story my brother and I wrote together while at my grandparents' house in Korea. I could have posted it sooner, but that house doesn't have internet, so while at my other grandma's house, I am taking advantage of this time to post this fic. It's quite... interesting! I hope you find it worthwhile to read._**

**_We don't own anything. We only possess very weird thoughts. These are the things we think about when we're super bored. Anyway, please enjoy!_**

* * *

><p>One stormy night, Squidward watched <em><strong>The Seed of Chucky<strong>_ on HBO. In this Chucky movie, Squidward became particularly interested in Chucky's murders. That night after watching _**The Seed of Chucky**_, Squidward came up with a devious prank to kidnap Spongebob. He despised his neighbors with all his heart. Patrick was too dumb to come up with the fun ideas that he and Spongebob do, so his devious plan was to kidnap Spongebob, the master of all annoying plans.

That night, Squidward put on his Invisallign in his mouth and put on a ski mask that Gramma Squiddy knitted for him. He got a potato sack he had stolen from the Krusty Krab. Squidward took a seat in front of his window and carefully watched his target get ready for bed. He watched as Spongebob danced around his room, fed Gary the Snail, sang an annoying song, and paged Patrick a goodnight. Then Spongebob, changed into his pajamas, tucked himself in, and read the B encyclopedia he had gotten from the library. Soon after, he fell fast asleep.

At around 9:32, Squidward tiptoed out his house and slid into Spongebob's house, using the spare key Spongebob kept under his doormat. Squidward smelled fresh cookies baking in the oven. Spongebob had forgotten to turn the oven off. Squidward being a good neighbor turned the oven off and sang the State Farm jingle to himself.

"Like a good neighbor, Squiddy is there!" he whispered to himself as he was turning the oven off. He tiptoed up the stairs and slowly opened the door leading to what he thought was Spongebob's room. But then, when he opened the door, he realized it was the bathroom! Suddenly, Squidward had the urge to go. So he sat down on the toilet and began to do his business. That was when, Spongebob Squarepants walked into the bathroom, the midst of Squidward using the toilet. They both screamed the Davy Jones' socks off of each other. Squidward calmly asked, "Spongebob, what are you doing here?"

"I live here, remember?" Spongebob reminded Squidward. That was when Squidward felt the potato sack in his left tentacle and knew that he must carry on with his previous plan. Good thing he doesn't pants because he wasted no time in taking the sack and placing in roughly over Spongebob's square head. Spongebob squirmed and screamed. Squidward quickly took Spongebob into Spongebob's library and duct taped his mouth as soon as he took the sack off. Then he tied him to a chair using a jump rope he had stolen from the gym.

Spongebob watched the actions happen before his very eyes, which he struggled to keep open. The last thing Spongebob saw before he fell asleep was Squidward going upstairs.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Did you like it? I hope you did! Shall we carry on with the story? ;)_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N: We're back with more action. My brother and I don't own anything._**

* * *

><p>That morning, Squidward found himself sleeping in Spongebob's bed. He turned and saw a pink blob snoring next to him. He poked the fat blob. The blob woke up and said in a very sketchy way, "Good morning, Squidward."<p>

Squidward screamed and screamed. That was when he remembered Spongebob alone in his library.

"Patrick! Go make yourself useful and get me a Dunkin' Donuts breakfast sandwich and a Captain America blue raspberry coolatta. I'm losing my bluish blue!" Squidward ordered.

"Yes, sir." Patrick saluted and marched up to the surface land.

As soon as Patrick left, Squidward hurried into the library. Spongebob was asleep! Phew, Squiward thought. That was when Gary showed up. Squidward grabbed the nearest thing next to him and whacked Gary on the head. The object just happen to be a _Seventeen_ magazine. Gary was knocked out and Squidward saw Spongebob waking up. He ripped the duct tape off of his mouth and demanded to know how he got the employee of the month award. Squidward was secretly jealous about the award and felt his anger rise as Spongebob began to babble random things. Squidward became tired of listening to Spongebob talk and whacked Sponebob with the _Seventeen_ magazine too. When he was sure Spongebob was unconscious as well, he went upstairs to wait for Patrick and to read the magazine.

A half hour later, Squidward learned how to do nail art on his tentacles. Patrick also arrived with the food. Squidward grabbed the bag out of his hands and was angry when he found a breakfast sandwich wrapper and a half drunken coolatta.

"Patrick, where's the rest of my breakfast?" Squidward demanded. Patrick burped in reply and shrugged his shoulders. Squidward got so mad, he pantsed Patrick and kicked him where it hurts.

"Hey! Don't do that to my friend!" yelled Spongebob. Spongebob saw the whole thing. He had Gary eat the rope so that he can escape. Suddenly, Gary coughed up the rope on to the ground. Despite all of the snail slobber, Squidward picked the jump rope and chocked Spongebob using it. He coiled the rope around the sponge and pulled on either ends to choke Spongebob.

"C-c-currrrrrsssssse youuuuuuuuuu!" Spongebob weakly choked out before he died while being strangled by none other than Squidward Tentacles. Then, Spongebob died. Gary had witnessed everything that had just occurred. Squidward couldn't risk any witnesses. He tied Gary's eyes together and stabbed the snail using a bread knife he had found while rummaging through the cabinets. After stabbing the snail 16 times, he felt adrenaline rushing through his veins. He watched the cadavers, lying so very still and instantly felt guilt replace the adrenaline. He washed the blood off of his hands and buried the evidence and the victims in Spongebob's backyard. Then, he rushed over to his own Easter Island Tikki head to freshen up for work.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: I didn't know Seventeen magazines can be deadly! o: What the fudgicles? Were you upset that Spongebob... passed? )-: Anyway, on with the story!_**


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: Another chapter! Please enojoy! My bother and I don't own anything._**

* * *

><p>That day at work, Squidward felt his hands shake as he worked the register. The good thing was that it was a slow day with hardly any customers. The substitute fry cook was a teenage boy named Jimmy. He did a pretty decent job, but Squidward kind of missed Spongebob's silliness. Squidward feigned a resignation letter. He wrote that Spongebob wanted to quit so that he can join the corporate world as a paper and office goods salesman. Mr. Krabbs was mad about the resignation.<p>

"Mr. Squidward! I want to see ye in me office now!" Mr. Krabbs ordered.

Inside the office, Squidward closed the door and Mr. Krabbs had on an apologetic smile.

"Sorry lad, but I'm not goin' to pay you this month due to some poor investments I made on the salad bar." Mr. Krabbs said to Squidward.

Squidward was outraged. He found a pot of boiling water on the mini stove in Mr. Krabbs' office. He then threw the water over Mr. Krabbs' head causing Mr. Krabbs to scream.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Yer fired!" Mr. Krabbs yelled.

Squidward stepped the torture up a notch and took money Mr. Krabbs had been counting and shoved it down Mr. Krabbs' throat. The force feeding wasn't enough to satisfy Squidward's needs, so he tied Mr. Krabbs' eyes into a bow and then tore off his shell.

"Not me shell! I was goin' to sell it!" Mr. Krabbs whined. Squidward smirked.

"Sayonara, Krabbsy!" Squidward shouted as he took an antique cash register off of Mr. Krabbs' desk and bashed it several times against Mr. Krabbs' head. Mr. Krabbs died, but just to reassure himself; Squidward took an old-fashioned letter opener out of Mr. Krabbs' desk and chopped into fine pieces. He then took a couple of Ziplock plastic freezer bags and froze the body. Then, he placed a call to Legal Seafood.

"Hello, is this Legal Seafood?" Squidward asked. Surprisingly, his voice didn't quiver, despite all of the guilt he was feeling at that moment.

"Yes. How can we help you today sir?" the phone order guy asked.

"I have a giant crab; I'd like to sell it to you." Squidward answered.

"Oh wonderful! Was it obtained legally?"

"Why yes." No, Squidward thought evily.

"Wonderful, we'll be there in an hour."

Squidward hung up and an hour passed quickly. Especially since he was stuffing Mr. Krabbs' money in his pockets. He gave the bags of crab meat to the person from Legal Seafood and Squidward left the Krusty Krab with a smug look on his face.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: We're very sorry if we spoiled Legal Seafood for you! ^.^' I hope we didn't. Our family has a long-running joke about Legal Seafood. Ever since the day I asked my parents, "If Legal Seafood is 'legal' then does that mean other seafood restaurants obtain their seafood 'illegally'? Mom! Dad! What are we going to do? Should we tell the police?"_**

**_Reviews please? (:_**


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: Oh, hai thar... This is a short chapter. I hope you still enjoy it. We don't own anything._**

* * *

><p>Squidward decided to go to Wal-Mart to buy some things. There, he saw Pearl buying Maybelline make-up. Squidward walked up sweetly up to her as he himself needed to buy some eye shadow to accent the bluish bags under his eyes.<p>

"You buy eye shadow!" Pearl laughed. Soon she took out her cell phone and texted everyone about what Squidward was buying. Squidward was mortified! He grabbed some blush powder off of the nearest shelf. Squidward grabbed Pearl by the head and pried open her big mouth. She screamed as her cell phone dropped to the floor of Wal-Mart. Then, Squidward shoved the powder into Pearl's throat. Then, he cleared off a whole shelf of make-up and also shoved them into Pearl's giant throat. She tried to spit them out, but Squidward closed her mouth with all his might and then used Pearl's scrunchie to tie her lips together. Then, he forced her to swallow and eventually, the toxic materials used to make the make-up traveled through her bloodstream and killed her. Squidward nervously grabbed a kitchen knife from the cutlery section and stabbed each and everyone in the store. He couldn't risk anyone having to have witnessed the gruesome murder he had committed to Pearl. He killed all of the innocent shoppers, the children looking at toys, the security guards gaping at the shocking security footage, the people selecting food at the grocery section, the children throwing tantrums, and all of the innocent people in the store. He would have killed himself, however, he's not innocent, he's just as guilty as the next guy in a prison cell.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Did you like it? I wrote this one all by myself! It was quite difficult for me to write this chapter... Not only did I have trouble spelling Maybelline (it took me about 7 tries), I was also tired from the lack of sleep. The place that I was at during the time was so loud! I didn't know Seoul would be that loud and bright. Was it dark? It's going to get darker... You've been warned..._**


	5. Chapter 5

**_A/N: Hey! This is sort of a random short drabble that I wrote... I guess it's kind of a filler. ^.^' It expresses my love for Edward Gorey's book, The Gashlycrumb Tinies. The book made the alphabet fun for me! I still don't own anything. Enough chit chat, ENJOY~! (:_**

* * *

><p><em>A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.<br>B is for Basil assaulted by bears.  
>C is for Clara who wasted away.<br>D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.  
>E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.<br>F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.  
>G is for George smothered under a rug…<em>

Just as Squidward was about to turn another page of **_The_** _**Gashlycrumb Tinies**_ by Edward Gorey, there was a knock on the door. He grumped about as he opened the door.

"Cookies! Would you like to buy some Girl Scout Cookies?" a little girl asked. Her big eyes stared at Squidward straight in the eye. There were three other scouts with her as well.

"No." he simply answered and shut the door. However, the little girls followed him into the house and began to rummage around asking to buy cookies. Just then, he heard something break upstairs and hurried up. He saw that a little girl had broken his antique vase that belonged to his great grandmother.

"Oops." She said. Then, she ran out of his bedroom and tripped over the hallway carpet. This caused her to fall down the stairs, hitting her head countless times in the process. She broke her whole skull bone and the loss of oxygen in her brain caused her to die.

"AHHHH! You killed Amy!" one of the little girls cried. The girl tried to run out the door. As soon as she opened the door, she encountered a family of sea bears. The sea bears scratched her and bit her. She died quickly after that.

"Basil! No!" a little girl cried and ran out of Squidward's house as well. Just as she stepped on his bedrock collection, pair of hungry guard leeches that Squidward had hired to protect his collection showed up and sucked the little fish dry. Her name patch fell out of her sash as she ran out. Squidward squinted and saw that her name was Fanny.

He stuffed Amy's body in a hat box and shoved it into his large walk-in closet. He then went upstairs to take a relaxing nap. That was when another little girl in his bed. He name patch read, Clara, and unfortunately, she was found dead by Squidward as well. He took her body and stuffed it in the television box Spongebob and Patrick had played in once. The memories spurred in and he waved it away. When the body was in the box, he stuffed it in his walk-in closet as well. Then he retreated upstairs to take his nap.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Did you like it? I know, it was terrible... I'm so sorry. I was REALLY tired. I was constantly woken up in the middle of the night due to the noise going on outside. Especially since there is a 24 hr convenient store, it's REALLY loud. Why do people even want to drink at 3 AM? There are people from America trying to sleep! Anyway, if you didn't like the chapter, I hope the next chapter can make it up for this one's awful content._**


	6. Chapter 6

**_A/N: I don't own anything. Please enjoy. "Gamsahamneda!" (Thank you, in Korean)_**

* * *

><p>After a refreshing nap and a delicious dinner of canned Swedish meatballs, Squidward watched the news. There were murders everywhere. That was when Squidward realized that it was he who is responsible for all of the deaths and he went into an anxiety attack. He decided that he'd make an appointment with his therapist, Dr. Marbles.<p>

After a restless night, Squidward biked his way over to Dr. Marbles' office. Thankfully, someone had canceled at the last minute, allowing Squidward to get a slot.

"Hello Dr. Marbles." Squidward murmured as he went inside. He closed the door and took a seat.

"Mr. Tentacles, please go on and share what you've been going through that made you want to come and see me." Dr. Marbles stated.

"Alright." Squidward replied. He began from the night he watched the Seed of Chucky to how he is feeling now. Dr. Marbles had a shocked look on his face when Squidward finished his story.

"Now, Mr. Tentacles, I see that you have a lot on your mind. I'm going to prescribe anti-anxiety pills. Tomorrow, I want you to turn yourself in. The guilt will eat you away if you keep continuing with these actions. Now go home and rest after taking the pills." Dr. Marbles said to Squidward. Squidward nodded, and then realized the error in his way. He had just told someone what he did. He didn't want Dr. Marbles to tell anyone. So without much thinking, Squidward went up to Dr. Marbles and began to choke him.

"Wha-wha-what are you d-d-doing?" Dr. Marbles chocked out as Squidward continued to strangle him.

"Doing you a favor." Squidward replied and went back to doing what he does best. Murdering others. He choked Dr. Marbles for what seemed like forever. As soon as Squidward saw that Dr. Marbles was indeed dead, he opened his opened Dr. Marbles' coat closet using Dr. Marbles' keys. Then, he shoved Dr. Marbles in the closet and locked the closet door quickly after closing the closet door. Now that Dr. Marbles was gone, Squidward had to get rid of all of the other people in the waiting room. He opened one of Dr. Marbles' drawers and found a gun. Squidward smirked as he opened the door leading to the semi full waiting room. He shot the gun multiple times. He killed the receptionist, a 17 year old green eyed goth boy, a girl with short brown hair and the prettiest blue eyes holding his hand, a girl with crazy hair who looked like she was angrily glaring at the girl holding the boy's hand, and the international heartthrob singer Craig Manning. Squidward went around closing his victims' eyes and left quickly with the gun in his pocket after locking the doors. He was angry with himself, but he couldn't help it. Squidward had begun to be addicted to mass murders. With that, Squidward went along home to drink a cup of chai.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: So, Squiddy seeked help... Did you catch on the Degrassi reference? In case you didn't:_**

**_"17 year old green eyed goth boy" = Eli Goldsworthy  
>"girl with short brown hair and the prettiest blue eyes" = Clare Edwards<br>"girl with crazy hair who looked like she was angrily glaring at the girl holding the boy's hand" = Imogen Moreno  
>"international heartthrob singer Craig Manning" = Craig Manning<em>**

**_I don't own Degrassi either. Anyway, on with the story!_**


	7. Chapter 7

**_A/N: We still don't own anything... ):_**

* * *

><p>"The phone rings in the middle of the night, my father yells watcha gonna do with your life. Oh father dear, you're still number one, but girls just wanna have fu-un."<p>

Squidward sang his favorite song loudly. "GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN! OH GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE~"

That was when he heard a knock on the door.

"Patrick? What are you doing here?" Squidward asked.

"Well, I'm off to a jellyfish convention and since my best buddy is joining the corporate world, I was wondering if you'd like to come." Patrick asked nervously.

"No." Squidward said harshly and slammed the door.

"Well, bye!" Patrick said as he set off. Squidward sighed in relief when Patrick was on the bus off to the convention.

Squidward was in desperate need of a job. With the lack of education he had received, he decided to head over to the Chum Bucket to see if his previous experiences as a register worker can get him a job there. There was a sign on the door when he arrived.

"Plankton Family Reunion." It said. Squidward rubbed his hands together in thoughts of what he could do if he couldn't get the job. He finally got a hold of Sheldon Plankton, who was dancing with his computer wife, Karen.

They walked into his office and Plankton interviewed him for what seemed like hours.

"Sorry Mr. Squidward. You're not qualified." Plankton finally said. Squidward shook in rage. Then he realized that he had a bottle of arsenic in his pocket. Ever He saw bowls of punch in various areas of the Chum Bucket. He placed drops of arsenic in each bowl and when Karen served each of the Planktons the punch, they all dropped dead after a few seconds. Squidward saw that Karen was still up and running and pulled the plug. To make sure that she stays dead, he took the computer apart and smashed the monitor. He snickered as he walked out of the Chum Bucket and noticed lemonade stands and vending machines in various places. Squidward had no plans for the rest of the day and invested in poisoning the consumers.

First, he walked over to each of the lemonade stands and distracted the children with a bouncy ball and as soon as their backs were turned, he dropped the arsenic into the pitchers. The vending machines, he picked the locks using a bobby pin he bought from Walgreens. Then, he would open each of the bottles of soda and drop arsenic into the sodas. It was tiring, but to Squidward it was worth it.

He was done about five hours later and kissed the former bottle full of arsenic. He walked on home and during his walk, he watched as consumers dropped dead.

"Some guys just can't hold down their arsenic!" Squidward thought and hopped off.

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Did anyone catch on the CHICAGO reference? .com/watch?v=IiKx3JbJwt0 I love CHICAGO! I thought it was worth it to go see it on Broadway (which by the way was super awesome!)._**


	8. Chapter 8

**_A/N: We don't own anything. PLeaSE reAD!_**

* * *

><p>Squilliam Fancyson had been living Squidward's dream life. He longed to live the life Squilliam lived. However, it is very obvious to the naked eye that it wouldn't come true. Squidward sat on Squilliam's $1,000,000,000.01 couch and drank some Kelp Shake that Squilliam's private lab had managed to produce without the harmful side effects.<p>

"This is nice, eh ol' Squid?" Squilliam asked.

Squidward faked a smile and pretended to like their little Kelp Shake session. They sat there and drank in silence. There was nothing to talk about. They were too much in common. The only difference was that Squilliam was more accomplished than Squidward, but besides that they were the same.

All they heard was the water dribbling through his fountains and the Kelp Shakes being sipped.

Sip.

Sip.

Sip.

Sip.

That was when Squilliam used his brand new Bose system to turn on some music.

_I love you.  
>You love me.<br>We're a happy family._

Squidward couldn't believe his ears! It was the Barney & Friends CD! Squidward just had to get the CD, but how?

"Um… Squilliam, do you mind if I borrow your CD to rip onto my MP3 player?" Squidward pleaded.

"Oh, puh-lease. Not a chance." Squilliam said.

Squidward found a cheese knife on a cutting board with a loaf of goat cheese next to it. He placed the knife into his hands and saw Squilliam's eyes turn from amusement to fear in matter of seconds. Squidward smirked and grabbed Squilliam by the back of his shirt.

Squilliam began to shriek, but the security guards were having a _Yo Mama_ battle in the basement, which was unfortunately for Squilliam sound proof.

Squidward pushed Squilliam into his knife.

When Squilliam was dead, he locked the basement door and walked out the front door with the Barney CD in his hand. He buried the knife in Squilliam's yard. He locked Squilliam's door and said, "He ran into my knife… he ran into my knife ten times!"

* * *

><p><strong><em>AN: Wow... he must REALLY like Barney... Anyway, did you catch on the other CHICAGO reference? In this chapter it was, "He ran into my knife... he ran into my knife ten times!" In the last chapter it was, "Some guys just can't hold down their arsenic!" Keep your eyes out! There may be more outside references I make! I hope you liked this chapter too!_**

**_Reviews please? (:_**


End file.
